you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
