Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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