woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
