just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
