with your own penis?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
