The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Life without a bra equals bliss.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
