..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
