After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
