Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
