you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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