I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
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