I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
