epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
