I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
you had me at cake vodka
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
