Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
