he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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