I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
