I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
