someone get that fucking seahorse.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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