i barfeds in our rink
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
