I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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