I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Randomize
