Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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