So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
