just come out here and I will go home with you...
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
