I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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