6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Randomize
