let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
