i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
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