I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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