I got chris browned last night
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
