rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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