Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
