It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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