I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
