There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
