Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I was not drunk enough for that final.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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