i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
