Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
