I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
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