one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
