i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
