I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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