Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
What drink are we having for lunch?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
