if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
