Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
