My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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