Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
