I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
