I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
