got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
