question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
