I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I think my moral compass just broke
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