This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
