I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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