you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
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