Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Please don't give away my fajitas
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
